“I have heard what the talkers were talking, the talk of the beginning and the end. But i do not talk of the beginning or the end.”
~Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
Somewhere in the middle, that is where i am today and i am very comfortable with that. it has been a few months since i have touched down back into the real world, the place outside of the cinder block walls and barbwire fences. a place where no one says excuse me and no one stops to be grateful for the small things life has to offer. i look around when i am out and about and see all the sad faces and hard stares and i can’t help but wonder, maybe i am lucky to have gone to prison. was i someone that never understood how something as simple as a normal existence was a blessing? i probably was.
i am back to making music, working on new songs and for the first time in years i am having fun again. i am laughing and smiling and just enjoying every minute of it this time around. i am doing really uneventful things like going to subway to get a sandwich and really enjoying it. the simple things are the best things. i got a phone call from my good friend that still has the misfortune to be behind the walls and it was an eye opener. in prison time really does just standstill. he gets home in about 30 days but from the sound of his voice, you know that his 30 days and our 30 days are totally different. like we are in different dimensions. when i want to get away or be alone and go to a place to relax i can. we have the ability to live. prisoners do not. the worst part is hearing people say that they deserve it. they don’t understand how that is only their perspective, and not truly based in reality, only the reality of their selves. i am sure every terrorist believes his victims truly deserved their wrath, yet once again, that is only in their mind. it does not justify it to the rest of the world. the prison system is a money making machine, new laws every year, higher sentences, more innocent and undeserving people locked away and entered into the world of statistics.
I find myself untrusting of people i don’t know and hesitant to meet new people at the same time. over the last few years i have built up walls that i am only now seeing and that I think will take a lot of work to tear down. i haven’t heard from my parents since i have been home which is kind of sad but as in everything, life goes on. you think some people care and they don’t which really hurts, but at the same time, other people surprise you by their beauty and love, so i look at that, the good part, instead of focusing on the bad. i don’t have the energy or the trust for anger. after having someone betray you so badly, you almost chose to not let someone in ever again or the possibility of dealing with betrayal again. yet in the long run, living like that can cause you to miss out on wonderful people and real happiness. these are just a few more things that prison affects years after the time has passed.
I am thoughtful of the things that will stay with me long after this chapter has passed.
I look to the future and walk away from the past, letting the bridges I have burned light the way. I have made enemies and i have made friends, and will do my best to continue making the latter. But regardless of what may be, I will continue to trudge this road of happy destiny.
i got nothing but love - and a little bit of spare change.
Keep on Rich Rollin,