What happened to you? Where did you go after the night of 30 cigarettes and 12 shots of whiskey? Did the stain of possibilities chase you out the back door into the cold New York night?
Years have come and gone, yet thoughts of you swirl around my mind like smoke. Settling on me, visible in front of me like rays of light from your grandmother’s old lamp – the one with the linen shade. You told me it reminded you of your “pa-pa.” Whatever that meant, I’m still not sure. I can see you, but there is nothing for me to grab hold of. The moment I reach out, you swirl and disappear. Poof.
It’s been a year, or two, or maybe five now – who knows anymore? Is anyone even counting? Society has changed so much…and not in a good way. Or is that just how it seems to me? People have become callus; unpleasant. Everyone walks around like the world is watching them, and them alone, like they are the main attraction. No one is real anymore. Neither are you. Were you ever real? We drew each other in, only to let each other down and then use that disappointment as an excuse to believe we were better than our counterpart. Maybe I’m just getting older and have become cynical and bitter, but I don’t think so. Only because as I sit in front of this keyboard, I still hope…no, believe, tomorrow will be better. Sending good vibes to you and your future child - I heard you were having a baby - congratulations to you. Seriously, you will make a wonderful mother.
Will your unborn child know about your endless nights? Dancing till dawn, laughing, while drinking beer, shooting it out your nose and screaming, “it burns, it burns!” all the while laughing even harder, and smiling even bigger. Will they grow up seeing you only as their mother, never knowing the girl that was wild and crazy like a summer storm, blowing over those who stood in her way, sexy in a short skirt and fancy heels. A laugh that could shatter steel and smile that could melt lead. You truly were a girl on fire.
What about the father? Does he know the same girl I used to know? Do you love him like the sun? Does he illuminate your every day? I sure hope so. I hope he is a strong personality, able to avoid getting sucked into your 5 foot 3 black hole of giant expectations. I hope you found your match.
I wonder if we met today, would we get along? Or would we circle each other like fighters in a duel, looking for an opening to strike. Maybe neither, and barely glance at each other as we walked by.
I am glad I can smile at the thought of you as I look back, and only hope you can do the same. You were a giant among men (although you’re a woman) and I wish you always have the sun upon your face and the wind upon your back. I hope whoever you choose to walk with always hold’s your hand, and picks you up if you stumble.
We had our moment and it was a special one. Only on reflection should I call you a former teacher instead of a former lover? That is what you were. What we were. We taught each other what to do, and what not to do. We taught each other that heartbreak is only temporary, and that the future can be better than the past ever was. We taught each other to be patient and wait for tomorrow, because tomorrow holds promise. All we gotta do is wait for it, work for it, and hold on to the special someone that it brings. We also taught each other that the perfect person won’t be perfect…but imperfection is okay.
With that my old friend, I wish you the best. Until I see you in the echoes of my dreams, farewell.