I lie in bed, it’s late and thoughts of you crowd my mind. The day was a good one; it was productive and positive so I’m feeling content. Today was a good day. I thought of you a lot though, just like I did yesterday and like I’m sure I will tomorrow. I always think of you. It doesn’t bother me, though my friends get sad for me sometimes. It’s understandable, but the truth is, they can’t fully understand. When it comes to matters of the heart, no one else ever can. There is no instruction manual, there is no right or wrong. Only I know the way you make me feel.
Last week I was where we first met. As I left I stood on that same corner where we first spoke. I kept glancing around, hoping to see you, thinking (wishing) maybe you would just appear. I imagined how you would look. You’d look beautiful of course. Even when you woke up in the morning, with your hair in disarray, you were breathtaking.
I wonder where life will lead us. Will it ever lead us back together? Would you ever let our paths collide again? Or would you avoid the chance, just to prove a point? You have a pattern of denying yourself, and me, the opportunity. Would you continue to blame me for the lies and false promises of other men? Will I ever be given the chance to hold your hand – to hold you - or must I wait a decade (or whatever arbitrary timeline you set) for the honor. I would wait. Sucker.
My life is moving so quickly now. In just a brief period of time, everything is beginning to come together, to move forward at a pace I never imagined. I’m quickly becoming the “type” of guy you’re looking for. Is it enough? Will I look at my phone to see your name on my caller ID, only to be light years away from you? Maybe you are not the one who got away, maybe I am. Have you considered the possibility that I will outgrow you or maybe you’re already scared to death of that possibility? So scared that you wouldn’t even try. Well don’t be scared, because I won’t. I won’t.
I won’t walk ahead of you, or talk over you. I won’t take you for granted. I’ll be here, just like I am today, completely into you.
Or I won’t be, maybe one day you’ll wake up and realize I meant every thing I ever said, and I’ll be long gone.
I miss you, Daniel